When Everything Falls Apart

There is a theme to this season. Laced in coffee dates and slipped into texts. Whispered in prayers, thought in private moments of silence and questioning…

This is not where I thought I was going to be. 

My life is not even going a little  bit like I  thought it would.

I’m doing something I don’t really want to do.

Like a person who has lost a loved one crawling through the recesses of their brain trying to remember  every detail of the face of the person who is gone forever, I’m trying to thread together the dreams I’ve been carrying around  with me for years now.

It feels like they are slipping like sand through a sieve, though. God, where are you?? Did I miss you when I made that choice? I thought I felt your peace, but now all hell is breaking loose and I’m beginning to think you are not as black and white as I thought.

God, as my days  become unrecognizable like a foreign tongue and I wonder is this now the life I lead, I will trust you.

As I weep for the dreams I have and the things you have etched on the very core  of who I am,  I choose hope.

When life takes turns I never could have expected and the happiness I seek is fleeting and people disappoint me on every level, I find solace in You.

When my plans  fall through, and I watch  the desires of my heart get up and walk out the door as the deceiver laughs in my tear -stained face, I choose to wait for You.

You are a promise keeper.

You finish what you begin.

You are worthy of my trust.

You are faithful to the end.

When circumstances fall through and people leave and I make mistakes and generally everything falls apart, You are  the only one who can make sense of it all.

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
    my glory, and the lifter of my head.
 I cried aloud to the Lord,
    and he answered me from his holy hill. Selah

I lay down and slept;
    I woke again, for the Lord sustained me.

Psalm 3

Pero tú, Señor, me rodeas cual escudo;
    tú eres mi gloria;
    ¡tú mantienes en alto mi cabeza!
Clamo al Señor a voz en cuello,
    y desde su monte santo él me responde.

Yo me acuesto, me duermo y vuelvo a despertar,
    porque el Señor me sostiene.


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