It’s 3:30 on a Monday afternoon. I’m home. Wearing slippers. I ate leftovers for lunch and took a shower at 12:27 pm on a weekday. What is my life.

I love it.

In the past six months I have torn down (almost) every shred of the life that was no life at all. I have learned to breathe again, to have space in my day, to enjoy a morning and to come home early at night.

Before,  I survived by being gone, busy, social, and now I just want to be home. When I’m not working at my mom’s office, I want to be home in my room or in the  kitchen. I do not recognize myself, in the best way possible.

It has not been easy, and it is not over yet. It’s nothing short of traumatic to make giant shifts in your lifestyle. It takes gargantuan amounts of effort to live differently, to find yourself.

And speaking of finding yourself, it’s so much less selfish than it sounds, because it’s really about taking everything out of your life that isn’t bearing fruit, and this requires a death to your former self. Doesn’t Jesus say something about losing your life to find it?

This year, I have lost my life. I have lost friendships, I have lost status, zeros on my salary, I have even lost weight.

But oh how you find the person God created. Beneath the layers of pressure and performance, a person is waiting to break free, and she is something, not because of her, but because she is pure, available and ready to be used by God.

I’m not there yet, and don’t even ask me what my five year plan is, but I’m getting there. I can breathe again. I am confident in whose I am. I am close to my family. I am content in my friends. I am excited for the future, but it doesn’t taunt me like it used to be. I’m on my way to something beautiful, and even though this season feels almost too calm, I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

So if you’re short of breath, frightened, unsure, at the end of your rope, confused, lost and generally unhappy, to you I say, take the leap. Do the thing you think you could never do. Say no. Say yes. Whatever it is, do the thing that leads you to freedom. It is for freedom He set us free.



3 thoughts on “Losing Myself Only to Find Myself

  1. Sarah,
    This reminds me of a book I heard about, “Crazy Busy” by Jimmy Deyoung. I too am learning to say no and slow down. It is a blessing you’ve learned this early in life! The American dream is not the life God intended for His people. Proud of you!


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